The Happiness of Today

Somehow, if I forget to be grateful, I find a friend in Ann, who spurs me on to remember that which I am deeply grateful. To remember that I am, indeed, Happy.

Believe, then you will see.
That is how it was for me. So, why wouldn't the same hold true in my wrestling for happiness?

Smile first, then you will be happy.
It reminds me of that little ol' wive's tale that goes: "if you smile, the muscles will release happy hormones to your brain, and you will actually feel happy!" I don't know if the science pans out; but it feels true to me when I try.

If you have not done so, I truly encourage you to read this beautiful post about smiling first, happiness second. or something like that.

Smiles. #22-30.

{#22} I am thankful for my sister, Tammy, who celebrated a birthday yesterday. She is beautiful inside and out.

{#23} for skype. I got to talk to my precious Agniya, in Russia, for free, for nearly one hour today. While I cooked dinner. I miss you like crazy, honey!

{#24} for Amtrak. It is bringing my Caroline to me for a much needed visit this weekend.

{#25} for my Classical Conversations community. Seeing all of you tomorrow. I have missed you!

{#26} for hot dinners, clean faces, and running baths. Not everyone has these.....

{#27} for making it through a trying day without yelling. Praise be to God.

{#28} for sleeping children. even if they were rascals today, they always look like pure precious love when they succumb, finally, to sweet still sleep.

{#29} for a date with my honey, the couch, and a new episode of Chuck tonight. The only t.v. we watch. strange, but us.

{#30} for the health of my loved ones. {I am praying for you Kathie.....}

I need to do it

Do you forget?
Do you ever forget all that you have, and slip away into the sin of pining for more?
Do you struggle with it daily? like me.





It is time for me to finally join in on this journey.
high time.



Lord. Father of Heaven and Earth. The One who cares for tiny me. The One who watches me trip over my own feet time and time again. The One who waits, arms open, with a smile on His face and a glimmer in His eyes... for me to notice that He stands there - arms open.
To the Only Thing Worth Walking Toward,

I am grateful to You today for

{#1} children that laugh and jump on the couch, cushions everywhere, giggles every where. even bonking heads and roaring laughter. my two precious boys. let me NEVER miss the moments of them.

{#2} my amazing. amazing. amazing man. patient. loves me with grace that abounds. Sees the best in me. Praises me as a mom. Gives me his confidence. Is wiser than he would ever acknowledge or know. And somehow, thinks I am a size 2. Because when he looks at me, he sees HIS girl.

{#3} a bite of chocolate during quiet time.

{#4} "clean-up time" to Rastafarian rap music. The precious 3 year old who tries really hard to shake his hips. And a 5 year old who knows how to shake it and clean it at the same time.

{#5} the joy of watching my children learn. the victory of M&M's after having successfully listed 96 events in the History of the world; Caleb, you amaze me. The beaming faces of achieving a challenge. Precious 3 year old Christian, who beamed from ear to ear because, "honey. You are SUCH a good brother. Thank you for listening to Caleb, encouraging him, and allowing him to concentrate." but best of all.. the cheering when the M&M's hit the scene.

{#6} having enough money to pay our heating bill. This month it was no struggle. But it was once. And for someone else today, it is.

{#7} for lemon tea. hot. fresh lemons and local honey.

{#8} for Ann Voskamp. She reminds me that I forgot to look in the direction I always want to look.

{#9} the smell of my boys' heads. sweet hair.

{#10} for girlfriends who still love me, despite the fact that 3 guys come first. they take a breath and the time to understand. It is called grace. I love them for it.

It is high time
I follow His advice, and through thanksgiving, savor the moments.....

Christmas was different this year

This year, our family went through a time of need.

It changed everything about our Christmas this year.
and made it one of the most magical Christmases we have ever had.

Thanks to amazing friends {who are the very Hands and Feet of Him who loves us so}, and for SO MUCH provision from God, we were not only in want for nothing, but we were blessed with abundance.

We still wanted to give each other gifts, and we did so modestly, using Christmas as a day to get each other things that we truly needed, such as stuff for the boys' school, or umbrellas, or clothing needs. Plus a few extra small goodies (like the Season 3 disks of Chuck. The gift of Laughter from my honey. If you don't watch Chuck, truly, you must start. I digress...).

We had a gracious plenty under our tree... a multitude of donations from our friends.
I tell you this for one reason alone. With the hope to point others toward the Glory of God. Every need we had was met and more. Even our wants were gloriously granted.
And, this Christmas was so clearly a culmination of an amazing year where God revealed to us, in a much needed and personal way, that He is our Jehovah Jireh {God who Provides}.

Not only did God take care of us during our time of need, He used this time to turn our hearts more toward Him, and to put our family in a situation that is MUCH more prosperous (and I am not talking about money):
What was dead, was replaced with life. What was strained, was replaced with peace and ease. What was dark, depressing, and down, was replaced with hope, joy, laughter and upward-climbing.
How can we thank Him???

Thanks to the moving prompt of this post, we began a new tradition this Christmas.
Why hadn't it crossed our minds to do this before? I don't know.

But this year, instead of spending our resources in the typical Christmas fashion (we still did a little bit!!), we gave our gifts to Jesus. It is His birthday after all!
All the while, I could not get this verse out of my mind:

¹⁵ When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”

   “Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”

   Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”

 ¹⁶ Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

   He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”

   Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”

 ¹⁷ The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

   Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”

   Jesus said, “Feed my sheep..."  {John 21:15-18}

So, by His grace, we chose to Feed. {click on the links to find ways you can help too}
With Water.
With Food.
With the Word of Life.


We spent the afternoon of Christmas, curled up on our couch, and pouring through Giving catalogs. Picking out gifts for Our Lord.
Then, down to the playroom we went... and we filled box after box. 
Picking out gifts for Our Lord.
for His Sheep.


Merry Christmas, dear ones. May His Love put a permanent smile of wonder on your face and in your heart. May His Love cause you to shake your head in amazement. May His Love prompt you to Feed His Sheep.

Three more Provisions

In this post, I shared the amazing story of all that God did for us during Matt's untimely departure from his employment.

There was one thing I forgot to put on the list of God's Provisions {but I am off to go add it now, so you might just find it updated}.

1. "The Perfect Resume."

I could rattle off a commercial for this awesome book. Basically, if you follow it's advice, and then follow-through with intense networking and cold-calling... you can strongly increase your chances of getting improved employment. My opinion.



But, the cool thing about this silly ol' book is not its results.
No.
The cool thing about this book is that God sent it to us.

hokey? maybe.
but, while at the library, 3 days after the rock was pulled out from under us, I was feverishly pouring through books on homeschooling.

smack dab in the middle of the homeschool books was this:

So. I checked out a copy.

And it helped my hubby. A LOT.

and ya gotta wonder?   What was this book doing smack dab in the middle of the homeschool section??

Maybe it is because He is Perfect. His Timing is Perfect. And His Provision is Perfect.

2.  And remember my list of things that I won during this time? Well, I won one more thing! And it was another Provision... because Matt and I had decided a long time ago that we would not partake in one of our favorite traditions of Christmas: Card exchanging. Which was an extra bummer, since we WON these AMAZING photos from Amy.

Well.... I won a service for free Christmas card e-delivery, from Mistle Mail, through a giveaway on my amazing friend Genevieve's awesome, awe-filled, beautiful blog.

3.  And, a few days ago, I had a friend give me a gift that was actually written down on a wish list of mine for this Christmas. She had no idea. Glory!!!

I am shaking my head at our Amazing Lord! Why is He just revealing His Provision to me all over the place???

Oh, How I love Him. Oh, how He cares about the details.

Provision.

{darlene}

{would you consider helping me grow my new online interiors blog, Fieldstone Hill, by Following, Liking on Facebook, and/or Subscribing? Thank you so much for helping me spread the word!!!!}

Oh, I am so depraved.

Please. Watch this video.
It is awesome.
It is worth the 7 minutes.



Thank you, Ann.

He will sustain you

This post has been a long time coming.

In fact, this post marks the end of something, and the beginning of something new in the life of my family.  And while I could call it the end of a dark season... I don't know that that is really the case.

In mid-July, I wrote this post, about the rug being pulled out from under us. Our family, through God-ordained circumstances, found ourselves without a family income.  It was not all-together unexpected, but, it was quite a bit out of our control.
Isn't everything?

On Monday, all of the pieces -that God has been orchestrating- fell into place.  We will no longer be without an income, and we will fall back into what the world might call: "secure."

Funny thing is, we never really felt insecure. When I said that the rug was pulled out from under us, but beneath it was our Rock... they were not just words to me. I experienced and felt the stability, peace and security that comes from an Unchanging God. But, it came as a surprise to me... how good it felt to rest in Him.

Now, I would not be telling you the truth if I said I did not experience fear, or doubt, or plain-old worry about the uncertainty that faced our family. From July until now, our family had emotional ups and downs. Serious concerns. Emotional wrestling. What-ifs about huge decisions.
Decisions like moving. giving up homeschooling. mommy getting a household-sustaining job. selling our dream home. finding alternate means of income. eliminating any spending. giving up Christmas gifting.
And then there was the up-and-down drama and nail-biting that comes with supporting your husband through the interview processes, acceptances and rejections.

But as we weathered through this brief season, (and praise His Name, it was brief), God was there for us. Oh, I know that sounds so dull and trite... but here me... God was THERE for us. He was not up in the clouds playing some harp somewhere, or managing lives that were more important than ours. No. He was there in practical ways. and, He was there to listen to my whining and ranting and stiff-necked-ness.... as He always is, to His Glorious credit. He is so Merciful.

See what great things He has done:

It was God who moved my wonderful, godly husband (who has a work-ethic the likes of which this country was built on) into a place where he could barely endure his job.
It was God who, ultimately, freed my husband from a job that was poisonous.
It was God who planted the seed for my husband's current job at Company A.
It was God who arranged for three unrelated friends of ours to connect us to the owners of this company... all within the same week.
It was God who prepared our hearts for an unexpected opportunity.
It was God who taught us how to do more with less.
It was God who used this situation to soften my heart toward his gentle instruction to me.
It was God who planted in me His Word, so that I was never consumed by worry.
It was God who blessed us with underserved and unexpected gifts like these. Just for fun.
It was God who used His children, to reach out to us, pray for us, bring us food from their gardens, hand-me-downs, Christmas gift cards for the boys, balloons, flowers, and Hope.
It was God who used His children to give me five different books to encourage me in my Walk.
It was God who used His children to connect us with any and every friend they had in my husband's field of work.
It was God who used our families to help us meet financial needs.
It was God who made it frustratingly impossible for me to find a simple Christmas-temporary job. He knew the timing.
It was God who greatly blessed us with provision, by allowing us to come to know Him as Provider.
It was God who opened our minds up to think outside the box we had made for ourselves.
It was God, who heard me cry out this prayer, and answered me that VERY minute with a phone call and an offer.
It was God who answered our prayers... not just the ones of Provision, but the ones about Discernment and Clarity and His will.
It was God whose timing is so perfect that our job offer came the very day after our monetary stability ran out. The very day, people.

"Cast your cares on the Lord. He will sustain you. He will never let the righteous fall." -Psalm 55:22

Capture them. today.

You cannot imagine how God has blessed our family during our current time of trial, in SO many tangible and intangible ways.  I have been vague about what has happened, out of respect to my family, but I will be sharing more over the next week or so;
For one reason, and one reason alone:
To give God the Glory He is due.

All this to say, one of the ways that God has blessed my family during this time, believe it or not, has been through winning two huge things. I know that sounds crazy. But it is true.

Since the rug got pulled out from under us, and money has been tight (too tight to give Christmas gifts or buy a much-needed camera), I have actually won an iPad and a complete family photo-session with all photos included. The iPad made my hubby really happy, but , I... I was thrilled about the photo session. It is actually what I wanted for my anniversary gift from Matt before this all went down.  But instead, we got it as a gift from God. No price-tag attached.

Any mother knows that nothing replaces the gift of a captured memory. Nothing. Time with these little ones is far too fleeting.

So, today, I am writing to brag on Amy of Allenaim Photography, the sweetest, most amazing, talented photographer. She did not ask me to blog about her, or go on and on about her! But I can't help it. I just think that her work is amazing and I hope her business grows. 'Cause, she rocks.
But I don't have to tell you about. You can see it for yourself.

seriously. amazing.

One of my favorite things about our photo session was that it was actually an amazing family memory. We had SO. MUCH. FUN!

Thank you, Amy! May you and your family be richly blessed.
And thanks be to God for Your Provision. You are the Only Thing Worth Walking Toward! And You are just. so. cool.

And if you need to catch up on taking some treasured family photos, click here to hop over and visit Amy's Allenaim blog or here to visit her website, and bask in her talent.
Capture those fleeting moments.

The cry of an Atheist

There was a time 

when these very words were my own thoughts. They were the very cry of my heart. When I heard them again, in this poem, I thought them to be profound.

Every Christian should read these words.

Maggie's Poem {read by Lee Strobel on Focus on the Family}

Do you know,

do you understand
that you represent
Jesus to me?


Do you know,
do you understand
that when you
treat me with gentleness,
it raises the question in my mind
that maybe he is gentle, too?
Maybe he isn't someone
who laughs when I am hurt.

Do you know,
do you understand
that when you listen to my questions
and you don't laugh,
I think,
"What if Jesus is interested in me, too?"

Do you know,
do you understand
that when I hear you talk about arguments
and conflict and scars from your past
that I think, "Maybe I am just a regular person
instead of a bad, no-good, little girl who deserves abuse?"

If you care,
I think maybe he cares --
and then there's this flame of hope
that burns inside of me,
and for a while,
I am afraid to breathe
because it might go out.

Do you know,
do you understand
that your words are his words?
Your face,
his face
to someone like me?

Please be who you say you are.
Please, God, don't let this be another trick.
Please let this be real.
Please.

Do you know,
do you understand
that you represent
Jesus to me?

wrestle.

Lord. I dare to wrestle with you.
I dare to ask you.


Bless us, Lord.

Bless us.

and, when you do,

Don't EVER. Ever. let me forget that it was YOU.

God. Thanks for coming.

Sarah Mae said it somewhat like this... as she dismissed us with the last words of the very first Christian blogging conference ever:
"Thank you to all of you for coming to Relevant.
And thank you, God, for coming too."

Hundreds of women. All of us were a bit surprised that He came.
and now, I think we are all musing:
"What else did we expect?"

You see. Not only did God show up, big time, at the Relevant Conference; He came wielding a sword, and  lovingly pruning the wrong-stuff from our Hearts.  He used the amazingly beautiful, humble, and talented vessels of our Speakers to speak in clear and mighty ways.

Mighty ways.

How I wish you had all been there.... because words {in my hands, anyway} are inadequate to describe how it all went down.

But, no doubt about it. Our Lord spoke in that place.
And He spoke to me: Pruning at my selfishness. Pruning at my attempts to seek validation from everyone but Him. Pruning at my pity-parties. Pruning at my bad habits that turn into sin. Pruning at my false idols.

Pruning at the times I pushed my children away, because mommy just needs "one more minute."

And I am so glad He came to the Relevant Conference.
And I am so glad I heard Him.

May He give me the power to Act. and Obey.

and, if you did not get to come. and if we are all blessed enough for Relevant to see another year. and, if you want Him to join your blogging experience:
I surely do hope to see you when I go.

Just a taste: Relevant 2010:

{Go visit these amazing folks! You will love their blogs.}
Top to bottom, left to right: 1. my sweet friend Flamingo and me  2. me, the darling Angie Smith and Flamingo  3. Lynette (so excited to hug this lady), Traci (precious girl with adorable accent!!), Myra, Kimba, me and Flamingo  4. Claudine, me, Carisa, Jill (I cannot believe I finally got to meet you! this lady is precious!), Jolanthe, Melissa, September, and Lynette  5. Sami (I guess we were separated at birth), Angela (never stopped smiling. love her!), Flamingo, Courtney (has the gift of encouragement!), and me  6. me and Lynette  7. me and Laura(what a spirit of wisdom!)  8. Traci, Cyndi (hi Cyndi!), me and Flamingo  9. me, Todd from Selah, and Flamingo

But, now I gotta brag on God a little.

I know I have alluded to this on my blog before, but, this year money is very tight.
We are counting on God to be our provision in all ways.

We are leaning on family.
And friends.
and we are being resourceful.

and, of course, sensible folks as we are,
Matt and I decided not to exchange Christmas gifts this year as we head into this blessed season. We are even leaning on help from our precious loved ones for gifts for the boys.

but. can you believe it?
God apparently wanted my husband to have a VERY cool Christmas present {one I could not possibly wait that long to give to him.}.
um. seriously.
At Relevant, they gave away an iPad, people.
and GUESS WHO WON IT!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

little ol' me.
for my little ol' precious wonderful amazing husband.
for Christmas.
a little early.

from God.

{now that is one darlin' and happy man, no? Love you, baby.}

you really do love to make us smile, don't you Precious Father?















{if you are hopping over from Relevant, then here is my brand-spanking-new, dream-come-true decorating blog, Fieldstone Hill, I was telling you about. Oh, how I would love it if you would hop over and give me some encouragement!!! Wish me luck blessings, girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!}

I love these lyrics.

"Something Holy" by Stellar Kart

You say that the well's run dry, And there's no more tears to cry.
You're searching for something real. To make you feel.

You Know that you're incomplete. A song with a broken beat.
There's a hole in all our hearts. And there's a reason why!

[Chorus]
We were born to be, A part of something holy.
All of us are restless until we find.
We were born to be, A part of something holy.
Bigger than, bigger than You and I.
Bigger than all our lives.

The hunger you feel inside, That keeps you unsatisfied.
It pulls at you constantly. Like gravity.
This world never was enough. We're made for a deeper love.
There's a hole in all our hearts. It's part of our desire.

[Chorus]
We were born to be, A part of something holy.
All of us are restless until we find.
We were born to be, A part of something holy.
Bigger than, bigger than You and I.
Bigger than all our lives.

All our lives we long for something more.
The life that we were all created for.

In her own words

Our sweet Agniya has an opportunity to apply for a trip to Washington, D.C. and participate in a leadership program. In order to apply, she had to create an essay answering the question:

"What issue would you like to learn more about while here in the United States, in order to use this information back in your home country?"

Agniya's essay was beautiful, and left me speechless. She has given me her permission to share it with you here:

"The best way to understand a different country, its culture and traditions is to be in this country. However, it is still impossible for travelers to get to know another country as well as native people. Living in America as an exchange student from Russia, I realize with my own experience that to deeply understand another country we have to spend some time in it. The Flex program gave me a great chance to live in a host family, to attend an American school, and to have American friends. All of these opportunities are helping me to discover America’s roots. Also, living so far away from home, I see a lot of differences in my life. These differences are not only external differences, such as architecture or nature, but inner differences like desires, dreams or goals in life. If somebody were to ask me what issues I want to learn more about in the USA, I would answer: the concepts of selfless giving.

One of the most important things for me is charity. After having met some new people in America, and, of course, spending a lot of time with my host family, I noticed that charity in the United States is one of the most important things to do. People help other people through giving them food, clothes, and money for basic things to survive. For example, my host family suggested for me to join them in packing a shoe box filled with toys for poor children in Africa, who need our help. It is such an easy thing for us to do, but at the same time it makes other people so happy. What I want to say is: I would love to learn more about donation programs and charity programs in America. In the future when I return to Russia, it could be so useful to share my experiences with other people. Without any doubts, Russian people want to help other people, but in my opinion, we do not have enough convenient ways to do it. If given the opportunity to learn the ways of American charity, I could help people in my country to more readily accept the concepts of selfless giving.

As I said before, to understand the roots of a country, we have to live in it. Looking deeper to the roots of selfless giving, I found out many reasons why people give to others. Living in a circle of Christian people, I can tell that Christians pay a lot of attention to charity. Since I am attending Christian School of York, I have a unique opportunity to have a Bible class. I did not grow up in a Christian circle, but my mother always told me that God will take care of me. Now, because of my school, I know more about God and His words through the Bible. Also, I knew before, and now know with the support of the Bible, that all good things in our lives that we do will come back to us in double. The foundation which could help me to open people’s hearts to such a good thing as charity could be based on the lessons learned in God’s word. When I will go back to Russia, I could introduce the Bible first in my school then in some other social places, giving people more reasons to help other people.

Another very important thing which can help Russian people be more open to the concepts of selfless giving is improved government support. For example: my host family donates money to two boys, one in Rwanda and one in Ecuador, and their donation goes toward the boys’ food, clothes, healthcare and schooling. The system of this kind of donation is very easy: you just send a regular amount to the organization who support these children. Moreover, my host family receives a tax benefit for making this donation. I think that it is great to help other people and also to get a small benefit from the government. This tax benefit helps people to make a commitment if they are not fully convinced about the advantages of a donation.

I believe that participation in the Civic Education Program can help me to know more ways to make charity more convenient and appealing for Russian people. I am eager to learn about the structure of American government which provides support to those who would like to give help to others through donations."

set apart

"Then Moses said to him, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?”' -Exodus 33:15-16

"There is just something different about you. Something different about my school......"

These words were spoken to me and my husband, by our precious exchange daughter Agniya.

They are some of the most cherished words ever spoken to me. Ever.

I will never forget them.

Nor will I ever forget that she saw Him in us.

How very, very humbling.

You are an amazing, amazing, glorious Lord. Thank you that you shine through even me.

If it were not so....Siesta Scripture Memory Team: March 1, 2009

Maybe it is because I was born and raised as an atheist.

Maybe it is because, if I am honest, there are days when it seems too good to be true.

Maybe it is because I struggle with fear.

Maybe it is because God has been bringing this Trust Issue up to me, over and over: Do you Trust me, sweet child??

Maybe it is because I desperately need His Word to restructure my fearful thoughts, so that I can think thoughts of Truth.

Maybe it is because I have spent too much time in the hospital with sick, precious children this month.

Maybe it is because, at the end of the day, these verses deliver more Hope than we can comprehend.

Maybe that is why I need this Word from God so desperately....

"Do not let your hearts be troubled.

Trust in God; trust also in me.

In my Father's house are many rooms;

if it were not so, I would not have told you.

I am going there to prepare a place for you."

- John 14:1-2

Do we have to Do anything to be saved?

Siesta Scripture Memory: February 15, 2009

Here is my Memory Verse for mid February:

"Then they asked him, 'What must we do to do the works God requires?' Jesus answered, 'The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.'"-John 6:28-29


I know, to some, it is nothing short of blasphemy to suggest that God requires any works from us in order to 'obtain' salvation, and I am not suggesting otherwise...not really????... However, I struggle, as many theologically minded individuals might, with the balance in this question:
'What do WE need to DO to accept God's gift of salvation?'

Man has not the words, nor the understanding, to fully grasp the answer, or offer explanation, to this question. And I am not attempting to do that with this post, certainly not with any comprehensive presentation of thought.

But here is where I grapple, and here is what I have been pondering with my Lord:

When someone hands you a gift, and you have DONE nothing to earn it... you still must reach your hand out and DO something... you must accept it (a verb); You must actually take (a verb) the gift in order to have it.

In the case of our salvation, scripture makes it very clear that it is God ALONE who enables us to reach out and take His gift of eternal life. And He makes it clear that we cannot EARN this gift. Oh, how amazing is the grace.

I balance my memory verse, and these thoughts, with this ever wonderful scripture:
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." -Eph. 2:8-9 [emphasis mine]

I must be honest: I struggle with schools of thought that encourage you to "cross a line of faith," or "say a prayer consisting of this, this, and this... but you can say it however you would like," or anyone that points us to "this is the way you do it," or even the "all you need to do is this..." Scripture has more often pointed me to something Bigger, not these Works,... and they are works.

"This is the way you get saved." Oh, no. no. no. HE is the only Way. And He cannot be contained. Our Jesus is much bigger than any formula that we formula-minded humans can conjure.

But, as I am currently pouring over the scriptures on this subject, and the recurrent theme that Christ never backs down from is this "To-Do" list:

"Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned." -Mark 16:16

"That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved." -Rom. 10:8-10

"Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?'" -John 11:25-26

Believe.
Do you believe?
He asks it of us.

And He himself tells us we must DO this in order to be saved.

not my words.
His.

and not a formula. but, a Trust. a Belief. a Love.

So, back to my memory verse:"Then they asked him, "What must we do to do the works God requires?" Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.'" -Jn. 6:28-9 [emphasis mine]

Christ, himself, calls "believing in Him" a "work." hmmmm. interesting. huge. beautiful.
His Ways are not our ways.....

Search your own Bible for more. Bring Him your deepest of questions. He has been answering mine....

Know your facts, ma'am

Please hop over to this wonderful post by my friend, Happy Mama. She is exhorting all of us to know more about the intellectual backing for our faith. Yes. At the end of the day, God leaves enough unanswered questions that faith IS required. In fact, God asks for our faith: "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."
(Hebrews 11:6) (NIV)

But, Christians, we need to know our history. We need to know our facts.
Here is just a snippet of what Happy Mama has to say:

"I realize that the fact that the Bible has historical evidence is not going to turn everyone who finds out about it to Christianity. I just think that we, as Christians, can and should defend our faith and it is our responsibility to be able to defend it intellectually. Christians are constantly put on spot by atheists and non-believers, because they don’t know how to use facts, reason and logic to stand up for their faith or they are too lazy to do that. God gave us all brain, which is a terrible thing to waste."

You go girl.

Christianity is factual. It is history.
And this is one history lesson we should know in and out.
As a converted Atheist, I CAN say that facts were important to my conversion.

If you want to know more, search bookstores under a topic called "Christian Apologetics," or click here or here for ideas and resources. Or go here for a favorite of mine. And for more on my own story about Atheism, click here.

"... Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect," 1 Peter 3:15 (NIV)

Atheism, part three: Cartwheels

******For those of you who have not read my previous posts on this topic, please click here for part one, and here for part two. The previous posts include important parts of my story, and it will give you all the background info if you read them first.*****

Cartwheels

Taken from part two:

"But God had bigger plans for me.
And God loves me.
Learning about God’s love continues to be a journey, and the more I get to know my God, the more passionate I am about his love. You see, God picked me. I was working against God, not for him, and yet he picked me. God even wooed me. I like to describe it as 'God did cartwheels for me.'”................

When I was 18, one of my best friends informed me that she was now a “born-again-Christian.” Please take note within your heart to see if you cringed at that expression: “born-again-Christian.” If you did, your heart may be in a similar place to mine at that time. I was hurt and betrayed by my friend who had “gone crazy and lost it!!” She was the first person to share with me the fact that God was more like a loving father than a distant, separated dictator. She bluntly informed me that, according to the bible, I was going to go to hell when I died. As much as we would like to soften the blow of this truth, my friend was speaking the truth of the Word. It is true that maybe she could have delivered the truth to me in a different way, but God used this seed of truth nonetheless. If I had continued on my path, I would be facing eternity in hell. As you can imagine, however, I was not overjoyed at the information my friend gave to me. I was definitely offended. More accurately, I was furious. Furious, as in: the way you feel when you are forced to face an ugly truth about yourself.
But God was just doing cartwheels.

When I was in college, I experienced many overwhelming trials and heartache. At one point, I was completely broken down and in a deep depression for about 6 months. In retrospect, I believe God was softening my heart, and making me aware of that void we all have in our hearts that can only be filled by a Holy Lord. Another cartwheel. It was at this time that I met two individuals who would greatly influence my acceptance of Christ.

Carol was in several of my music classes at Indiana University, and we got along really well. She was always cheery and friendly, with a contagious laugh that was used often. We became study partners and friends, and I loved her company. I just did not understand how she was so happy all of the time. This world is not an easy place, and I felt no compelling reason to be happy every day. But I noticed, and I watched, as Carol lived each day joyfully and thankfully. I will never forget the moment that I asked her, “Carol, why are you so happy all of the time?” and she gave me her heartfelt answer:
“Because of Jesus.”

And God did another cartwheel.

That was when I started my search for answers. I asked Carol so many questions, and she gave me answers based on biblical truth. I definitely did not have all of the answers, of course. Who does? God alone! Still, I could not help but notice that my other “born-again” friend had been teaching me many of the same things. God seemed to be consistent. Both of my friends held to the truths of Christ’s love for me, and my heart was open this time. Carol encouraged me to head to the Bible and read the Gospels.

God’s greatest cartwheel came at the moment I opened and read His word for the first time. It was when I read these words:
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John, chapter 13, verses 34 through 35)

It was at that moment that I saw God for the first time. His Holy Spirit filled me as I confessed this thought; “No man could have written these words. No man could have taught such love. No man could have loved us this way, No mere human could have given his life for even those who hate him… Only God could do these things.” And in that instant, I believed.
He saved me.
"it is by grace you have been saved through faith, and it is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God." -Ephesians 2:8


At the same time, there was another person who had entered my life. He was a quieter, steadier voice for God’s cartwheels. And he led by example.
to be continued.....

Atheism, part two

"I once was lost, but now am found."

Welcome to part two of this "little bit of my testimony". I began my story here.

* * * * *

I was actively raised as an atheist. My parents believed that there was no God, and I was taught through example to believe the same. God is just a fabrication from man, created to appease our fears. The bible is not true. And, mankind does not need a God.

Of course, we never attended a church. We had no Christmas, or even a Christmas tree. We opened presents on the Winter Solstice, the first day of winter. My parents told me that the bible was a very good story, with very sound moral lessons, if I ever wanted some great reading. I was taught about “the separation of church and state,” and how important this was to my rights. I practiced my right and did not say “one nation under God” as our class would recite the pledge of allegiance. As my pets, and even my grandparents, died…I was never told that they went to heaven. Heaven simply did not exist.

Believe it or not, Growing up with these beliefs was mostly not difficult or trying. You follow what you know when you are a child. And what may be surprising to some is that our family taught us very strong morals. We were not to lie, cheat, or steal. We were to respect others and follow the rules. We were to become educated, do well in school, and go to college. We were to think of others and be giving.

I do remember being somewhat embarrassed that we were different, but maybe I just longed to have a Christmas tree. Because from what I saw of Christians; they didn’t have it any better than me. Most of them did not smile more than me; many didn’t go to church anyway; they certainly complained about everything the same way my family did; they didn’t even talk about God, so He must not be that big of a deal. The only people I ever heard talk about God, or say the word Jesus, were televangelists (New Jersey could use a few loving missionaries, people.)! From what I saw of Christianity, I wasn’t missing anything.

Soon, what little embarrassment I had over being different, turned into a passionate defiance. I embraced my atheistic beliefs. If I was to be different, then I was going to let everyone know that I not only had the right to believe this way, but that I believed the right thing. As I left for college, I was sure that I had figured it all out, and I was sure about the fact that there was no God. I debated with friends, telling them that they were just imagining God, and using the idea of Him to make themselves feel better about death. I argued any evidence of God’s existence, and I could answer any challenge to my ideas. I was prepared to prove my case.

But God had bigger plans for me.

And God loves me.

Learning about God’s love continues to be a journey, and the more I get to know my God, the more passionate I am about his love. You see, God picked me. I was working against God, not for him, and yet he picked me. God even wooed me. I like to describe it as “God did cartwheels for me.”................

to be continued.

I look forward to sharing with you how God moved in my life, in order to woo me to him. Please let me know if you have any questions, as the only reason why I share this information would be to bless another life to His service and glory.

Atheism

I continue to hear God calling me to use this blog, as with all gifts that he has given to me, to His glory.

I know that God wastes nothing, and that all of our lives' experiences, good and bad, can be brought in submission before His throne of grace. He will use it all, if we are but willing. This is such a beautiful thing about our God... how He wastes nothing!

I am thrilled to be blogging. I have to tell you that I continue to ask God why I should blog at all. Let's be real. It takes a lot of time! It can be addicting (in that fun way!). It can become a self-challenge, or even a competition - (trying to get numbers up, or trying to get more dots on your map). And it can even serve as an unhealthy distraction (I am speaking firsthand here...avoid dishes, avoid workouts, avoid life and 'living the thing'). Soooo.... I am trying to keep this blog-stuff healthy. And, I am trying to serve God.

O.K. so, all this to say: I feel God telling me to continue with sharing True Confessions, as we can all help one another by keeping things real around here! But I also feel the prompting to share some info about my own faith. I do this only so that others can be pointed to God and His grace.

So, about my faith....It is kind of an interesting fact about me, and that is: I was "born and raised" an atheist.

With upmost respect for my wonderful family, I first want to dive in and say that as I share this information, I will not be sharing specific details about my family. I will say this: I was raised in a loving home that had values, and I knew that I was loved. We were not perfect, and we had bumps in our road. But there was love and sacrifice and togetherness - all that stuff that makes a family, well, family.

I will share facts about me. And I will share about my own salvation story, or testimony, or whatever you want to call the point of Grace. I will be writing future posts about this, based especially on questions I receive.

So........ there it is: I was "born and raised" an atheist. And now I am a Christian.
Any questions?