Oh, I am so depraved.

Please. Watch this video.
It is awesome.
It is worth the 7 minutes.



Thank you, Ann.

When the rug is pulled out...

yesterday, we got some news that will prove to be a challenge for our family.


the rug got pulled out from under us...

but guess what?

under our rug, we found Our Rock.

steady.

unchanging.

sure.

and full of hope.

 Psalm 62:1-2

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken."

The rug was pulled out from under us.

Yet, we are not shaken.

If you think on us, can you please pray for our family? Thank you, dear ones.

One

As a mom, I always feel that there is more to be done.

more I could be doing.

more I should be doing.

My lists need lists.

I try to prioritize... to map out my time so that I do not squander away any of my minutes.

and yet so much is left undone.

and then there is my ministry....

the things that God would have me doing.

and what would that be, pray-tell?

am I the only mom who finds the sheer service to her children to be all-encompassing of every last ounce of energy? Funny how when I look around, people seem to be getting so much more done than I...

serving so many others....

So, I keep taking my inadequacy before our Lord.

and lately, he keeps whispering to me:

"one.

just one."

One person at a time.

One conversation at a time.

One encouragement at a time.

One hug at a time.

One investment.

One life.

I cannot see the forrest for the trees. There are so many things I should do. So many ways I should serve. So much more I should give. So many lives I could be helping. I could do better. I could be doing more. I could do more..................

and yet,

the word and the voice does not go away:

God whispers, "one."

Insecure much?

Um. yeah.

So, who is up for a good read? No. Make that a neccessary read. And a group discussion?You see, I need to read this book and maybe you do too. I am tired of letting fears and insecurities take the wheel in my life. And those pesky put-downs that come from my own head?? Ugh. Don't get me started!! Plus, I could use some accountability to see this thing through to the end. Cause... I know I need to see it through.

So, do you want to join me?

Here's what you do:

1. Get yourself this book (um. preferably -but not neccessary- by Thursday. hey, we are expecting 18 more inches tomorrow, so if I can do it... you can too. wink. wink). Good price at Christianbook.com

2. Go here to sign up on Beth Moore's blog page {optional step, but fun!... and Beth will want to know!}.

3. Go here to read more about the Siesta So Long Insecurity Discussion Group {this post tell you how you can choose to leave comments for Beth on Thursdays if you wish}.

4. Link up here too to participate in studying this book together. Then, on subsequent Thursdays, I will give you further opportunities to link up posts about your thoughts on the book.

Won't you join us??

Compared to what?

"The grass is always greener on the other side..."

We have all heard of the dangers of comparing ourselves to others. Others' stuff. Others' bodies. Others' beauty. Others' homes. Others' lives.

.......We shouldn't compare.

But lately a thought has been in my mind:

It is not comparing that is the danger. It is WHAT or WHO we are comparing ourselves to.

"I don't have enough."
Compared to what?
Compared to a magazine?
Compared to a blog post?

or compared to a mud hut?

"I'm so poor."
Compared to who?
The filthy rich?
The friends who are going on a really nice vacation?

or compared to the 1.1 billion of the world that has no access to clean water.

"I'm not pretty."
Compared to who?
An edited supermodel?
A cut and poked movie-star?

or the reflection in the mirror that God created with His own hands.

"I'm a good person."
Compared to who?
Compared to a murderer?

or compared to Jesus?

I find that it is good to compare.
It keeps reality in check.
It reminds me to get a grip and quit complaining.
It reminds me to give.
It opens my eyes to my blessings.
It causes me to ask God what He wants of me.

"From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."-Luke 12:48

Worth Walking Toward.

Siesta Scripture Memory Team: April 1, 2009 {verses 5-6} and April 15, 2009 {7-8}

This big ol' scripture is going to be a challenge to memorize over the course of this month ... But I need these words!

They speak a truth too necessary.

Talk about a timely, relevant, and treasured verse, friends. Each word is a treasure to me. Don't miss the relevant words in the very last verse:

Jeremiah 17:5-8 (New American Standard Bible)

5"Thus says the LORD,

Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind

And makes flesh his strength,

And whose heart turns away from the LORD.

6"For he will be like a bush in the desert

And will not see when prosperity comes,

But will live in stony wastes in the wilderness,

A land of salt without inhabitant.

7"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD

And whose trust is the LORD.

8"For he will be like a tree planted by the water,

That extends its roots by a stream

And will not fear when the heat comes;

But its leaves will be green,

And it will not be anxious in a year of drought

Nor cease to yield fruit. "

Trust in.

hmmmm.

Do you trust in Government? think about it. do you? what are you expecting them to fix?

Do you trust in being educated?? do you? what are you expecting to achieve? become? prevent? attain in the eyes of man?

Do you trust in money? do you follow all the sound advice? do you make sure your ducks are in all the right rows? can you give it away? can you "live" without it?

Do you trust in your church? do you? what are you expecting the church to repair? to do? achieve? sustain?

Your husband? do you? what are you expecting your husband to fulfill? to make all better?

Your pastor? do you? what can he explain or save you from?

Your parents? do you? what can they protect you from? what can they provide?

Your children? do you? what can they become that will bring you satisfaction and peace?

...Yourself? do you control? hold on tightly? or carefully hold back?

do you hold onto that one worrisome thing? do you suffer anxiety over it? ...because you are afraid that if you don't hold onto it tightly, it will crash to the ground???

all the while wondering: if I don't take care of it, who will????

Oh, hear me sweet friends. I have tried (um. still do.) all of those things!! And I still need daily bread {or whoopin's, :)} from God to remind me not to trust in my hubby, my church, ... myself.

OH, how I need these words of truth, Lord;

I have put my trust in those things that will not yield lasting fruit.

that will not save.

that will not fulfill.

that will, eventually, let me down.

Today, the Lord again whispers to my heart:

Trust in the Only Thing Worth Walking Toward...

His Name is Jesus.

take a moment and a few bucks

And click here to help 357 children.

a moment and a few bucks....

Oh, forgive me Lord what I have done and for what I have left undone.

A goat, a Christmas tradition, and my newest scrapbooking addiction

Well.........

I started experimenting with digital scrapbooking...after deciding that we would make our own Christmas cards this year.

This was actually a hard decision for me. I just LOVE Christmas cards. But I was actually feeling convicted!?!

At first, I made these cute cards at Shutterfly.com, but to mail 100 would have cost $55. + the shipping to me+ $42. postage. I just gotta say, I felt like that was tossing away money. Money that could be donated during this time when so many charities are hurting. When so many are struggling during the beautiful season of Hope.

(by the way, one person's conviction may not be another's. There is nothing wrong with buying or mailing Christmas cards! I LOVE getting those cards, and I can't wait to start showing pictures of all of our friends to our kids. But God was being pretty clear to me on this one, for some reason. He was telling me to find another way to share Christmas cards with our loved ones.)

So, Matt and I chatted and decided to go digital.

We made our cards, and saved about $60. Then, we decided that we are going to hand out {gasp} as many cards as possible, in hopes of saving at least $10 in postage- for a total of $70 saved (cost of gifiting a goat through Samaritans Purse. The goat will then be given in honor of our family and friends. Visit their gift catalog here.).

The rest we will mail out, or even email out {I am gasping at myself, people!!}.

This was hard for me.

I did live for 9 formitive years in the South, where the tradition of Christmas cards was like handing a precious gift to a friend. And, of course, Southerners have ways you do things... and ways you don't...back me up here, my sweet Southern friends!! I actually feel like I am being impolite. Or maybe, I do sorta feel like I am shortchanging my friends by handing them a card, instead of giving them the joy of a hand addressed letter.

But ya know. I guess some things are just more important.

Like goats.

Just plain-old Surrendered

It seems as though I have not had the energy lately to blog my thoughts! I think my cute kids have eaten my braincells!! Nevertheless, I have been plugging in daily with my Lord and His Word. And that, thank goodness, keeps some of my remaining braincells...well..."in focus."

For my birthday, my hubby got me the wonderful devotional featuring stories of missionaries, and chapter intro's by Beth Moore, "Voices of the Faithful." It is wonderful; and just right for me since I am in full blown baby-stage. On the "Inside looking Out!!!" I may not be able to travel the world at the moment... and I may not be able to commit to adoption today... but I am so mindful of learning about 'The World.'

I LOVE how Beth reminds us of God's beloved world in the intro to "Voices of the Faithful:"

"The first thing I ever learned about God was that He 'so loved the
world, that He gave His only begotton Son' (John 3:16, NASB). Did you hear
that? God loves the world. Ah, maybe that means it's not so God-forsaken
after all. And the more He overtakes our hearts, the more we will love
the world."

She goes on to say:

"Whether we're called to pray, to give, to go on short-term mission
trips or two-year mission stints, or to surrender entirely to career missions,
we're all called to the nations. 'For God so loved the world.'
Your tenure on this earth will be incomplete without engaging with God
across the globe. Find out what on earth God is doing in your generation...and
join Him."

So, even though my days are chock full of calling preschools, baking chex mix, wiping noses and heinies and mouths, and the joys of toddler and baby play... I can still be engaged in God's work around the world! I can still pray! I can still support friends over the internet! I can read up on different ministries, and soak in God's Word! I can still empty my shopping cart on Amazon or Baby Gap, and give that money back to God's work!

Now the Guilt:

I have to say that after reading Dangerous Surrender, and reading blog posts that are about Huge callings.... can I admit it???: I have felt like I am not doing enough to change the world! I have even felt shame. But!!!! And hear my heart here: I don't think that this guilt/shame is of God. I think it is self-inflicted, and possibly even others-inflicted. God is not actually calling me to 'get up and go' at this time, at least in the ways I think that I should be going.

Now, here is where God has me:

Truth be told, I keep hearing God tell me to stay put. To surrender to the current task of dying-daily to self. Dying-daily to my husband. Dying-daily to my babies. This is where I am for a while...and not only that, I don't want to forsake being here!! I KNOW that God wants me out of my comfort zone, but I believe He wants my children IN this comfort zone for a while. Not teaching them that STUFF is where it is at, but just taking care of them and protecting them while they are babies, and pouring myself into THEM.

Maybe "the world" will have to wait for Darlene.

So, this is the deal:
I am having a hard time emotionally balancing the two concepts of "save the world in Jesus's name" and "give your children your time and love and 'training them up in The Way', thereby showing and teaching THEM about Jesus." Anyone else???????

Dangerously surrendered, and gloriously ruined. This is what Kay Warren calls out for in her book, Dangerous Surrender. It is a beautiful and heavy-hearted, Jesus driven place to be. I have been there before.
At the moment, I am not these things. I am not.

More accurate to where God has me now: Just plain-old surrendered.

Dangerous Surrender (Chapter 2)

I am part of a book club that is reading the book "Dangerous Surrender" by Kay Warren. Join us (see Angel's post)! This book is amazing. No Fluff here! But... BEWARE! It is not an easy pill to swallow. Angel has been inciting us to answer questions about each chapter, hence today's post:

I could not believe how sorry my soul is! THE KINGDOM OF ME!!!!!!!! That is the name of Chapter 2, but I may as well go ahead and change that to my legal name!!!!!!!! I definitely had the pencil out, highlighting every other word, as Kay confessed about her own "Kingdom."

True confessions, right??????????? Well, you are not even going to believe this! I sat, reading this chapter for the first time, 3 weeks ago.......are you ready...... in the waiting room of a Cosmetic Dermatology office!! SERIOUSLY. I was waiting to go in and get my spider veins zapped..HAHA... as I sat there, reading about AIDS victims, people in turmoil, and our own selfish aims and control issues. Can you even picture how pitiful I am? Can you even picture it???

God is SO gentle with us. He is, and He isn't. I mean, He does NOT beat around the bush (as Angel pointed out so beautifully at her mentioning of Mark 8:34-37, see the link above). He makes it very clear what He wants from us. It is just that He so often molds our hearts bit by bit, leading and shepherding us into change. Yes, sometimes He also does it in one fell swoop, especially when we are very stubborn. But I love how He also pesters us into obedience if we are willing to listen. I believe that is what He is doing for me now.
What is He pestering me to do exactly??? Well, to GET UP OFF OF MY BUTT, and MAKE A CHANGE HAPPEN!!!!
God knew all along that He would have to start this journey with a big, fat UGLY MIRROR!

SO, I am knee-deep in the Mirror phase! I look in, and I see... The nasty Kingdom of ME!
Kay describes it SO well:

Within this kingdom, there is very little room for anyone who doesn't
do it my way, who doesn't agree that I am the most important person of all. When
others treat me as I "deserve," then all is well - we can get along. When others
acknowledge that it's right serve me and my needs, there is
harmony and peace. Woe to the hapless family member, friend, acquaintance, or
stranger who doesn't properly appreciate my status; heads will roll. I relate
completely to this quote from Fenelon: "Your self-love is terribly touchy. No
matter how slightly it is insulted, it screams, 'Murderer.'"

WOW!!! OUCH! wow...
OK. If by chance, you thought to yourself as you read that, 'That is SO not me. I am not like that at all,' I must nudge you gently at this time (do I know how to be gentle??). WE are all stuck in the sin of ME-VILLE!! That is why we need our Savior. Our beautiful Christ! I need Him. You need Him. All of us, worshipping in our Own Kingdoms, need Him!! Praise His Name! Thank you Christ, for not leaving me in my sins. I have the Hope that is YOU!

So, Angel raised two questions for Chapter 2, along with Kay. They are too good to pass up! Be sure to ask yourself these questions!!!

1. What are the main reasons you don’t want to get too
involved with people in dire need?
THE main reason, when I peel away all the layers, is FEAR! ...........I am afraid to die........ (yes, I said it!!!). That is my grandest fear: death. Of others. Of myself. And truth be told, if I take an honest look at everything I try to protect, control, guard, and coddle, I can eventually trace it back to this elemental fear. This unbelief. This lack of faith. This lack of trust in my beloved Jesus, who promised, "In may Father's
house are many mansions...if it were not so, I would have told you."
Here is how it goes for me, maybe I am not the only one: I think to myself:
"I don't want to spend my money or time on that. I never know what
tomorrow will bring, so I will just live it up NOW. I want this. I want that.
SO, since I don't know how long I have, I will try to HAVE IT ALL NOW! All for
me."....do you see the lack of faith in God there?
I do. My insides scream that I need to look out for myself.................................. sin.

All I have to say is, Thank You Jesus, for your verse about the mustard
seed. Cause that is about all I have. Have mercy.

2.Kay explains that her growing understanding of
God’s sovereign design created an expectation that God would someday use her for
his good purposes. Describe your current sense of the purposes God may have in
store for you.

Right now, I am just trying to live in obedience to my current callings...
while being fully aware that God is preparing me to be stretched out of my
comfort zone! Very stretched.

My current purposes: 1. To be a better wife 2. To train up my little ones
in the way they should go 3. To give sacrificially, in some way, each day... in
the situation I am in today (very much at home with little ones). 3. To pray and
weep for His hurting children. 4. To work with Youth, and train them toward
surrender, and point them to Scripture.

While I was sooooo fired up as I read Kay's book, God gave me an UNUSUAL
message:

I had my 6 month old baby boy (Christian) in one arm, and Kay's
compelling book in the other. As I read about leaving my comfort zone and
surrendering to God and dropping everything, Christian puked all over my brand new book!! God said to me, in that moment: "Whoaaaaa, girl. Your time is coming... sweet daughter. For now: wipe up the puke!!!"
So..... I guess God got very precise in telling me what my current
purpose is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


So. Back to the waiting room of the cosmetic dermatology office; time to get my veins zapped:
I decided I had better get my behind into my appointment... and WITNESS to my Doctor!!!
Well ???

He was a Christian.

Want more Dangerous Surrender? Check out Angel's site, follow her link to other book-club-bloggers, and see my first post about Surrender.

Moment in Mexico City

So, I have been sharing about how God has been trying to get me out of my
comfort zone (see this post). Well... He is still working toward this aim, and preparing me for SOMETHING. I pray that I can always say that God is
preparing me for something!!!

As part of this preparation process, I know that God has brought me to
blogland! I am slowly and surely finding an amazing network of friends whose
stories challenge and inspire me.

One such new friend is Angel. Her story, her heart for God, and her heart for the hurting, somehow seem to lift me up daily. Of course, the fact that she seems a
bit over-dramatic makes me adore her all the more!! Thanks, Angel, for being a passionate dramaqueen for the King!!

I have been meeting up with lots of awesome people, but the reason why I bring up Angel at this point is because she suggested (in response to her "Dangerous Surrender" post) that I write about an experience that I had 4 years ago, in Mexico City. I share this story in prayer that it will inspire Christian action, and also, so that it will serve as a reminder to me of the heartbreak God revealed. Please share with me the heartbreaks that God has revealed to you!

A Moment in Mexico City

Mexico City is one of the largest cities in the world. At the time of my visit, there were 25 million people living there. It is also, like many international cities, a study in the contrasts between the filthy rich and major poverty.

Toward the end of my trip, My husband and I took a trip to visit the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe. This church was built to mark the location of an appearance of the Virgin of Guadalupe. God spoke to me very clearly there.

People had walked for miles on their knees, in pilgrimage, to come worship the Virgin. There was such opulence in this poor place, and there were thousands of people flocking into the basilica with offerings of money and flowers. You had to pay to enter. On the way into the basilica, I, and countless others, worked our way OVER the poor, weak, broken, begging and needy to go inside. To go worship!!?! As I knelt before a painting of Christ, God Himself allowed me to catch a glimpse, an intense moment, of His grief.

I wept bitterly in that place as Christ opened my eyes to how we, Christians!, walk OVER the very thing Jesus wants us to reach out and touch. And so often, we do this 'walking over and walking past,' in the name of religion. Oh, have mercy!!

I will never forget the blind woman who was begging at a souvenir stand. She lay in a heap of hot, black clothing. Her cup was held pitifully in front of her. Her face was leathered from the sun, and she was a forgotten, weak, walked-over soul. I saw her just before I got in line to the church. I gave her nothing.

Earlier that morning, I had bought a beautiful silver necklace. It was thick with gorgeous, heavy chains. I did not hesitate to drop many dollars on this piece-of-thing.

It was the blind, begging woman, and the silver chain necklace that God replayed in my mind. He flashed before me all of the people I had disregarded on my way in to 'sight see,' at His church. I had to hide my very face from His Glory and Mercy. My sin was made clear: God showed me my heart... and it was pitiful and self-serving. It was thick with gorgeous, heavy chains!! I wept uncontrollably for the entire day.

This happened at a time when I was in deep questioning. I was praying regularly for healing (one of these days I will post about my vocal paralysis). Just after my moment in Mexico City, God promptly and faithfully spoke to me through his Word, Isaiah 58:4-11:

4"...You cannot fast as you do today

and expect your voice to be heard on high.
5 Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,

only a day for a man to humble himself?

Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed

and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?

Is that what you call a fast,

a day acceptable to the LORD ?
6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:

to loose the chains of injustice

and untie the cords of the yoke,

to set the oppressed free

and break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry

and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—

when you see the naked, to clothe him,

and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,

and your healing will quickly appear;

then your righteousness will go before you,

and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;

you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,

with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry

and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,

then your light will rise in the darkness,

and your night will become like the noonday.
11 The LORD will guide you always;

he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land

and will strengthen your frame.

You will be like a well-watered garden,

like a spring whose waters never fail."

Goodbye comfort zone? Luke 17:33

Hello Blogger Buddies,
I have been slowly introducing myself to this fascinating world called blogging. It is amazing how many voices are out there! And, it amazes me that we want to read them all. Haha. You know what they say about opinions....! I love the comments and input part. What a fun way to communicate!
I have not blogged much, because as a mommy of 2 small children, I spend most of my waking hours WIPING things (butts, countertops, dishes, stains in clothing, mouths, noses... you name it!!). I have also hesitated to write, because... to be honest... I am somehow only called to write when I feel I have something important to say. (I WISH that was my tactic for 'guarding' my tongue, but alas, I have a very efficient connection between my brain and my mouth when it comes to talking.)

Anyway, what is on my heart tonight is my latest stirring from God:
He has been gently persuading me (persuading for the moment, anyway! I am guessing that the 'pushing' comes soon!) to start saying goodbye to my comfort zone. I am telling you (blog buds) this because: I want you to be there when God does whatever it is I am feeling Him lead up to! He has been nudging me toward opening my eyes beyond my 4 walls. This is quite a task, since I don't leave my 4 walls too often.
I would say the steps in this calling, thus far, have been:
1. God has been making me chillingly aware of how comfortable I currently am.
2. God continually makes me aware of others who are not comfortable, due to circumstances beyond there control.
3. The Holy Spirit is 'pestering' me to quit talking, and start doing.
For today, 4. I have peace from God that he is 'readying' me.... and that I am to be studying His Word, be praying, and be watching.

I saw a quote about a month ago that continues to pulse in my heart; I would love to share it with you. Some of you may be familiar with this one; it always bears repeating:

"There is a rawness and a wonder to life. Pursue it. Hunt for it. Sell out to get it.
Jesus says the options are clear. On one side there is the voice of safety. You can build a fire in the hearth, stay inside, and stay warm and dry and safe.
Or you can hear the voice of adventure—God’s adventure.
Instead of building a fire in your hearth, build a fire in your heart.
Follow God’s impulses. Adopt the child. Move overseas. Teach the class. Change careers. Run for office. Make a difference.
Don’t listen to the whines of those who have settled for a second-rate life and want you to do the same so they won’t feel guilty.
Your goal is not to live long; it’s to live.
Sure it isn’t safe, but what is?" (Max Lucado)

Goodbye Comfort zone. It is time to lose my life!!!!!! Hold me accountable, God!

Luke 17:33 "Whoever seeks to save his life loses it, but whoever loses his life preserves it."