Ms. Perfection. Ouch.

This is the second week of the online bible study, Yes to God; studying the book "Behind Those Eyes," by Lisa Whittle. If you are not yet doing the study, and want to join in, click here. Even so, if you have ever spent even a moment trying to be Ms. Perfection... read on....

Ms. Perfection........Yes. that was the name of chapter two.

C'mon Lisa. Have a little mercy. Did you have to put this one as chapter TWO, for crying out loud!!?! (or as my 3 year old would say, "For Pete." ....no idea where he would have gotten that sassy little expression... I am the perfect mother, after all.......). SO many things Lisa said gave me an "ouch" or an "ugh" or... trust me, you really ought to read it for yourself!!!

My husband uses this cute phrase: "I resemble that comment." (get it? a play on, 'I resent that comment'). Seems to me that we often resemble comments more than we should 'resent' them. (Comments like, "my, my. that was a bit snippy, snotty of her, wasn't it?") I resemble that comment.

If we are REAL and authentic... we would admit that the faults we see in others are usually the faults we see in ourselves.

Lord Jesus said it better,

"2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?" - Matthew 7:2-4

yeah. ouch. again.

So, why Ms. Perfection?? WHY DO I WANT TO BE HER???? Because the truth is, (we are supposed to be getting real here, right?): I DO! I want to be her. I am trying to be her. I am spinning my wheels, right here: "The perfect package first needs to feel perfect in order for her to sell others on it. And it's become a full time job." You got that right, Lisa. And I have spent a lifetime perfecting the job...

Why????

sigh. this is a deep one.

yes. it goes wayyyyy back into my past. But I also allow it to reside with me today. and now, I must accept ownership of my own Ms. Perfection tendencies.

God is talking to me about this one, ladies. And He is saying it over and over and over....

2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you................. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you..............2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

I always understood this verse to mean this: when you judge others, then God will cast that same amount of judgement on you. and maybe so.

But the Holy Spirit convicted me of this, as I read Chapter 2, Ms. Perfection:

Why, exactly, do I want to be, do I strive to be, Ms. Perfection???

Could it be that I am so hard on other women, so yippy-yappy about how others are imperfect, so spiritual about others 'bad choices,' so comment-y about the mothering skills of others, so full of it....... that I actually live in bondage to my own judgements???? Could it be that 'in the same way I judge others, I assume others are judging me as harshly, and with the measure that I judge others, I must now live with the burden of thinking that others are thinking the very same thing about me...'

Let me say that again!

I must now live with the burden of thinking that others are thinking the very same judgemental garbage about me...........

no wonder I am trying to be perfect. I assume others are as judgemental as me.........

".......and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

He is Truth

One of the things I love most about our Lord is that He is Truth.
Women (all people!) long for security, stability, a place of comfort to call home... and it is He.

One of the things that distresses me about the world, is that it is filled with fear, and it propogates more fear.... feasts on fear, even.

When is the last time the TV or radio told you any good news???
and as a sidenote...Who are you allowing to fill your brain? Is it the God of Truth, or the god of the-latest-morning-show....

Feast not on fear!! Feast on Truth! Stability. Security. and Comfort.

So, when I saw this today on a friends blog... I wanted to feast some more on the truth of it all! Here is a bit of Good News; (This makes your morning cup of coffee taste much better than all that fear-stuff, trust me)

Top 10 Predictions No Matter Who Wins the Election

1. The Bible will still have all the answers.
2. Prayer will still work.
3. The Holy Spirit will still move.
4. God will still inhabit the praises of His people.
5. There will still be God-anointed preaching.
6. There will still be singing of praise to God.
7. God will still pour out blessings upon His people.
8. There will still be room at the Cross.
9. Jesus will still love you.
10. Jesus will still save the lost when they come to Him.

This list could just as easily read: "Top 10 Predictions, No Matter WHAT!!!!"
And for that, I praise Him.

*Thank you to Christine, for this great list! Go check out her cute blog and great family traditions ideas!

Yes to God, bible study (a little late...)

Oh, I am cracking up laughing at the title of my post tonight. God has such a sense of humor with us, does He not?? This whole week, with my 3 year old, Caleb, we have been drilling home this one concept: delayed obedience is disobedience. And then, I go and do my first week of bible study late!! hehehe. Oh dear, what are we ever going to do with you, Darlene???

First of all, I want to that Lelia for hosting this bible study, Lisa for her labor of love in writing this book, and Christy for telling me about the study. I am excited to be joining all of you!

I have to say, it was the subheading of this book that compelled me most: "What's really going on inside the souls of women." If you are anything like me, you join in on the shaking-of-heads that most men do when they gripe, 'you never really know what a woman is thinking.' So, I admit it! A lot of times, I don't KNOW what I am thinking either. It is just a mess up there, in that brain of mine!

First of all, as women especially, we believe a huge, highly oversold, batch of lies about ourselves. I am not exempt! For sure!! I am at war with the very things that go on inside of my own head!!I am led to think of the verse:

Ephesians 6:12For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

What does this have to do with authenticity? Well, I believe that until we can muck through the mess in our own heads, until we even know and rest in our TRUE identity (and that is our identity in Christ, friends!!!), we will not have the confidence or clarity to be authentic!

Lisa writes, about why we put on false charades, that "We lack honesty and authenticity, and our past experiences lead us to believe it is in our best interests to keep our true feelings hidden." So true! And I think that our past experiences also lead us to believe that we are something we are not! We believe we have so much to hide: No one can know that I am not perfect. No one can know that I am not a perfect multitasker. No one can know that I am not the perfect mother. No one can know that I am not a perfect Christian. No one can know that I am not good enough......

Yes, we 'lie' to others. We put on a charade with others. We act all-put-together with others.

But, we also lie to ourselves when we believe we are something we are not! When we, deep down, believe we are worthless (a lie! Our worth rests securely in Christ)... or we are not 'perfect' enough (this was never ours to achieve! Philippians 3:12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.). When we buy satans lies.... hook, line, and sinker...

As I begin this study on authenticity, I must confess... my struggle is not with speaking the truth, or being forthright. I can wholeheartedly agree with Lisa as she wrote "Of all the many shortcomings I have, I do not struggle often with saying what I feel. (Sometimes that is the problem!) I tend to be honest, if not a bit blunt sometimes." I am right there with ya, girl!

But where I do struggle is this,

I don't believe God's truths about me....

and that pulls me away from true authenticity.

For Misty (with update)

**update**(as I reread my post a few hours later, I realize that it is quite dark. I am so saddened at the death of a sweet Christian Warrior, Misty. Her death is so unfair! And it led me talk to God... what is fair, anyway?? Although my thoughts here are dark, yet I live in the Light - as did Misty, and as does her family. Where there is Light, there can be no darkness....)

Sometimes I think the reason why the world has such trouble walking in the ways of God, or accepting Him at all, is because of this: we are stuck with an internal lie that we have rights.
May I introduce a thought:
We have no rights.

Oh, some of these rights are taught to us on the surface: "Because you are worth it;" "You deserve a break;" "You earned it;" "It is only fair;"........

Others are richer, more beautiful, more idealistic: "The right to happiness;" "Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness:" "The right to peace;" "The right to equality;" "The right to vote;" "The right to a family;" "The right to believe as we see fit;" "The right to dignity;".....

Others are even basic and necessary: "The right to breathe;" "The right to eat;" "The right to sleep;" "The right to live;"....

Think about it. We are promised none of these things.

Try telling a hurting, hungry, destitute soul that we have a right to beauty products 'because we are worth it.' Try telling a decaying, dying, disease-ridden body that we have a 'right to dignity, life, libery, and the pursuit of happiness.' Try telling a mother who holds her dead child that we all have the 'right to live.' Folly!! It is mere folly.

Instead, we only know one thing that we will ALL experience: Death.
That is our only human right, our only promise, that applies to all.
"For the wages of sin is death"............

OH, FRIENDS!! This is why Jesus Christ and his saving gospel are called:
The Good News.

We may not truly have any rights.
But we are not left alone to be hopeless here on this earth. There is a bigger story behind all the pain, the suffering, the loss, the death that seems to face us everyday....
No. rights are just a figment of our imaginations... We do not truly have any rights.
But we CAN have Life. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

"....but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." -Romans 6:23

For Healing

Please pray right now for Misty, a sister in Christ, and for her precious family.
Believe.

Motherhood and... (shhh. don't tell anyone)... ME!

This Tuesday we had a guest speaker at MOPS; Kate Harris. She was wonderful. She put into words (quite eloquent words, I might add) how I was feeling about the inner struggle that exists when your vocation is Motherhood. Please! Set aside some time, when you have a few moments to absorb her words, and come back to this post to click on this link to an article that she wrote, entitled "Motherhood as Vocation". It resonates!!!

I have shared a few of my thoughts on mommy-ing, and it is easy to see that I struggle, from time to time, just like most stay-at-home moms. To be honest, I have only a few people in my life that can even understand where I am on my journey right now. So, there are not too many peeps I can bounce my thoughts off of. I suppose that is true for most of us. So, it has helped me to blog my heart....

Here are some of my thoughts on the topic:

from this post,"Works for Me":

I am telling you, for those of you who are not mommies, this job is NOT for wimps. I have to give an extra special shout-out of encouragement to those mommas who are doing the full-time mommy job of staying home with your children. I cannot tell a lie: I think stay-at-home moms (also known as never-at-home-mostly-in-the-car moms) ROCK. I think they are women with more guts than brains (haha, just kidding. I do wonder what I am thinking sometimes... it seems as though going to work would be a lot easier). I also think they are CHANGING THE WORLD, one tiring day at a time!!!!!!

from this post,"Dangerous Surrender (Chapter 2)":

I had my 6 month old baby boy (Christian) in one arm, and Kay's compelling book in the other. As I read about leaving my comfort zone and surrendering to God and dropping everything, Christian puked all over my brand new book!! God said to me, in that moment: "Whoaaaaa, girl. Your time is coming... sweet daughter. For now: wipe up the puke!!!"So..... I guess God got very precise in telling me what my current purpose is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

from this post,"Just plain-old Surrendered":

Truth be told, I keep hearing God tell me to stay put. To surrender to the current task of dying-daily to self. Dying-daily to my husband. Dying-daily to my babies. This is where I am for a while...and not only that, I don't want to forsake being here!! I KNOW that God wants me out of my comfort zone, but I believe He wants my children IN this comfort zone for a while. Not teaching them that STUFF is where it is at, but just taking care of them and protecting them while they are babies, and pouring myself into THEM.

And, especially relevant to this current post, one from this post,"Closet Artist":

I am sharing this post because my [creative] ideas are about to
drive me crazy. I have so many of them. But I just don't have the time and/or money and/or motivation to create. This has become more of an issue since this is the first time in my life that I do not have a constant creative outlet. Sometimes I feel like I am busting at the seams to create - but I am JUST TOO TIRED. Anyone hearing me on this one?? Part of being a mommy to little little ones, maybe.

Sooooo. All of this to say....

After hearing Kate Harris speak, and pondering the thoughts of "planting seeds" of purpose, in order to sustain my own giftedness (which is from God in the first place, and to be used to His glory!)...

I planted a seed for me:

The "little room," Before.

Our home has been under renovation for the past 2 years. We are finally at a pause (we will never be DONE!). This room is on the 3rd floor of our 1850's farmhouse. It is teeny-tiny, super cute, and is one of my favorite rooms in the house. Until last night, it was essentially filled with construction trash, HVAC trash, dusty baby toys, and, um, DUST! The "before" pics that you see above are actually a bit kinder than what I started with last night (with the exception of the refinished soft-pine floors. We did that a month after closing). So, basically, this room sat empty.

Why??

Well, I struggle with perfectionism. Not always the good kind. Often, the parylizing kind. If I can't do it perfectly... I don't do it at all. Hence, the many unpainted, uncleaned, empty rooms in my home. I know. I know. Just being honest, folks.

But!! To HECK with it all!!!!! I need a place to myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May I introduce:

My art studio

complete with a bible study corner!!! I love that ratty, ugly chair. It is sooo comfy. Can't afford to recover. Hate most slipcovers (forgive me, slipcover fans!!). I am so excited about this!!!!!!! Check out the basket, for bible, books, studies, and tissues (of course). Coffee will finally get all the respect it deserves, on the cute table that was 'hold-up' in my basement.

Oh, and one more thing....

No precious, adorable, cuter-than-pie, sweet-smelling, lovable, darling children allowed.

Where I found Christian...

Suddenly, it got too quiet around here. Where on earth could that baby be???


Oh. Of course.


...Sitting in a toy basket, sucking on a Doctor's Kit toy, in the closet.
right.

Please

As you read this, please pray for our friend Bob. His life is on the line at this very moment.
Thank you....

Do Not Fear

I am so sorry to anyone whose families have been affected by the major bankrupcies and mergers occuring right now. When I first heard these things, I immediately, like any good, comfy, American would do, had a twinge of fear for the future.

But fear no longer has a strangle-hold on me these days. Not the way it used to.

Now, on Christ the solid rock I stand. He immediately spoke this promise over my tender thoughts:

1"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in
trouble. 2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give
way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, 3 though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging."
- Psalm 46:1-3

At the end of the day... none of these earthly things matter. That notion used to make me afraid.

Now, it is my peace.

help? Changing precious negatives to digital??

I need help from any photograpy gurus out there! Does anyone know anything about converting negatives into digital images? I now have my wedding negatives and the rights to the pictures, and I want to have copies of them made into digital. Anyone have any advice? I don't even know where to start. Thank you bloggy friends!!!!

Poor, sick, tractor-lovin, muffin-makin day

I just had to share this wonderful muffin recipe; it is now a favorite...especially since my bananas always get overripe! I am a sucker for home-cooking recipes that taste like you have slaved, but are easy, easy, easy - right down to the ingredients (mostly pantry ingred.s). Enjoy!

Chocolate Chip Banana Muffins

4 lg. ripe bananas, mashed

1 1/2 tsp. baking soda

1/2 tsp. salt

1/3 c. oil (I used canola)

1/4 c. water

1 tsp. vanilla

1 c. sugar

2 c. flour

1 c. chocolate chips or chunks (or a little more....)

1 c. chopped walnuts (optional)

Preheat oven to 350. Coat a 12-muffin cup tray with Pam or vegetable oil.

Mash bananas. Mix in baking soda thoroughly. Mix in salt. Mix in oil, water and vanilla. Mix in sugar. Mix in flour, stirring until mixture is smooth. Stir in chips and nuts, if using. Spoon mixture into muffin cups until just short of the top. Bake at 350 for 15-25 minutes until browned at edges (but not burned). Check at 15 min. for doneness -toothpick inserted should come out clean.

*********

This morning my sweet guy Caleb woke up sick. I knew something was suspicious when he was not up by 7, then 7:30, then 8!!! Now, you must know, Caleb has NEVER slept in until 8. Not even once since his birth! So, when he got up, I immediately took his temperature. Yep. 101.7. The poor guy. He was so pitiful.

Also, Caleb never sits still. Caleb never wants to be on the couch. Caleb never just watches a video. Caleb never says, "Mommy, do you want to snuggle (my dream come true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)"... except for today!

The following pictures feature my poor, sick, precious, tractor-lovin, muffin-makin Caleb Matthew. And, of course, some darling pics of the cutest cuteroo Christian Jacob, who, I am sure, will make your heart melt.

Smashing nuts for the muffins

Sick. and sitting still.

The cuteroo.

Must Haves: The Best Baby Bibs

These are the best baby bibs ever. I should know. I have 2 boys. They are messy. Plus, they were both intense baby-pukers until they were 8 months old +. Sooooo, I know a thing or two about protecting my little guys' adorable outfits, while keeping them oh-so-cute.

Vintage Lily Bibs

You can find these adorable bibs at VintageLily.com. They use vintage fabrics to make precious bibs that could go with any and every baby outfit. The bib you see above is actually one that I helped design!! Caleb had so many cute brown outfits, and I could never find a classy brown bib that would enhance, as opposed to clash, with his clothing. So, I contacted the company, and the Caleb Bib was born. I also think these bibs make great gifts - because they are so practical, but also are a bit of a splurge.

Baby Bjorn Bibs

MUST HAVE:

At our house we call these bibs: The Trough. Once our boys started feeding themselves, these bibs became a MAJOR MUST HAVE. Why? Well, isn't it obvious? You can find "the trough" very easily online; just google 'baby bjorn bibs'.

Happy eating, cute ones.

Excuse me, sir. You have something on your foot.

I give him to You

Lord,
I know you call us to surrender to you daily. I am not always faithful in specifically submitting to you first thing, and I feel you calling me to do so. Here I am, my Father. Thank you for loving me so. Thank you for your daily provision.

Right now, I lift up my little boy Caleb to you. This morning, he did not want to go to preschool. He clung. He cried. His countenance was down. He was so sad.

Lord, why am I even doing this? I know he does not have to be there. That is why I am home. I am here for my sweet little boys!! It was soooo hard to walk away while my sweet boy whimpered. I had to actually turn my back on him... and walk away from his cries.

Does it hurt You the same way when you must turn Your face away for a brief time? Thank you, Lord. You ALWAYS understand.

You have called us to this preschool. You have called us to this time. You have shown me specific reasons why I should send him there, and send him there now. I must trust you.

I weep deeply before you. I give him to You. You are in that place. You are beside him. Your hands are working through the most loving teachers, and sweet friends. He is yours.

He is yours. not mine.
I surrender.... one day at a time.

Your ways are higher than mine. Your understanding is not my own. Praise You.
Amen.

An extra five hours

Exhale.....

well. We made it through the first week of preschool and a weekend-away for Labor day. Life has surely been busy as we regroup for the Fall. I have been pouring my energies into helping Caleb transition into his two mornings away from mommy. I am so proud of him! I can already see some big changes in him (*sniff*). He has so many wonderful things to say about preschool, and I just love his teacher and their daily activities. Also, I have been prepping up for a few other regular Fall activities.

Now that we are nearing the end of week two, I find myself thinking.... maybe there IS just a little bit of time for me??? And I gotta be frank. I can only say one thing: "woooohooooo."

So, I already have BIG plans for my extra 5 hours each week. Here they are:

1. Spend some special alone time with Christian. We just have not had much of this, and I am so excited to get to know my little guy in new ways. Just Christian Jacob and Mommy Time!
2. Finally!! Resume doing Beth Moore studies. The workbooks were just out of the question for a little while. I am so excited to meet up with my Jesus on a REGULAR, deep, intentional basis.
3. As soon as Christian wakes up from his morning nap (usually 2 hours) - off to the park together. I am going to (you heard it here first) JOG!!!!! I am putting that overpriced jogging stroller to use, and shaving off a little bit of my bottom in the process. I actually went on Wednesday, and it was wonderful! And the park is just moments away from Caleb's preschool.

That is it! But those 3 things sound like SUCH music to my ears. In fact, as I jogged around on Wednesday, I couldn't help but think how easy it is to become out of balance. That jog was actually the first thing I had done just for me....... in a long time.