Thursday, May 1, 2008

Dangerous Surrender (Chapter 2)

I am part of a book club that is reading the book "Dangerous Surrender" by Kay Warren. Join us (see Angel's post)! This book is amazing. No Fluff here! But... BEWARE! It is not an easy pill to swallow. Angel has been inciting us to answer questions about each chapter, hence today's post:

I could not believe how sorry my soul is! THE KINGDOM OF ME!!!!!!!! That is the name of Chapter 2, but I may as well go ahead and change that to my legal name!!!!!!!! I definitely had the pencil out, highlighting every other word, as Kay confessed about her own "Kingdom."

True confessions, right??????????? Well, you are not even going to believe this! I sat, reading this chapter for the first time, 3 weeks ago.......are you ready...... in the waiting room of a Cosmetic Dermatology office!! SERIOUSLY. I was waiting to go in and get my spider veins zapped..HAHA... as I sat there, reading about AIDS victims, people in turmoil, and our own selfish aims and control issues. Can you even picture how pitiful I am? Can you even picture it???

God is SO gentle with us. He is, and He isn't. I mean, He does NOT beat around the bush (as Angel pointed out so beautifully at her mentioning of Mark 8:34-37, see the link above). He makes it very clear what He wants from us. It is just that He so often molds our hearts bit by bit, leading and shepherding us into change. Yes, sometimes He also does it in one fell swoop, especially when we are very stubborn. But I love how He also pesters us into obedience if we are willing to listen. I believe that is what He is doing for me now.
What is He pestering me to do exactly??? Well, to GET UP OFF OF MY BUTT, and MAKE A CHANGE HAPPEN!!!!
God knew all along that He would have to start this journey with a big, fat UGLY MIRROR!

SO, I am knee-deep in the Mirror phase! I look in, and I see... The nasty Kingdom of ME!
Kay describes it SO well:

Within this kingdom, there is very little room for anyone who doesn't
do it my way, who doesn't agree that I am the most important person of all. When
others treat me as I "deserve," then all is well - we can get along. When others
acknowledge that it's right serve me and my needs, there is
harmony and peace. Woe to the hapless family member, friend, acquaintance, or
stranger who doesn't properly appreciate my status; heads will roll. I relate
completely to this quote from Fenelon: "Your self-love is terribly touchy. No
matter how slightly it is insulted, it screams, 'Murderer.'"

WOW!!! OUCH! wow...
OK. If by chance, you thought to yourself as you read that, 'That is SO not me. I am not like that at all,' I must nudge you gently at this time (do I know how to be gentle??). WE are all stuck in the sin of ME-VILLE!! That is why we need our Savior. Our beautiful Christ! I need Him. You need Him. All of us, worshipping in our Own Kingdoms, need Him!! Praise His Name! Thank you Christ, for not leaving me in my sins. I have the Hope that is YOU!

So, Angel raised two questions for Chapter 2, along with Kay. They are too good to pass up! Be sure to ask yourself these questions!!!

1. What are the main reasons you don’t want to get too
involved with people in dire need?

THE main reason, when I peel away all the layers, is FEAR! ...........I am afraid to die........ (yes, I said it!!!). That is my grandest fear: death. Of others. Of myself. And truth be told, if I take an honest look at everything I try to protect, control, guard, and coddle, I can eventually trace it back to this elemental fear. This unbelief. This lack of faith. This lack of trust in my beloved Jesus, who promised, "In may Father's
house are many mansions...if it were not so, I would have told you."
Here is how it goes for me, maybe I am not the only one: I think to myself:
"I don't want to spend my money or time on that. I never know what
tomorrow will bring, so I will just live it up NOW. I want this. I want that.
SO, since I don't know how long I have, I will try to HAVE IT ALL NOW! All for
me." you see the lack of faith in God there?
I do. My insides scream that I need to look out for myself.................................. sin.

All I have to say is, Thank You Jesus, for your verse about the mustard
seed. Cause that is about all I have. Have mercy.

2.Kay explains that her growing understanding of
God’s sovereign design created an expectation that God would someday use her for
his good purposes. Describe your current sense of the purposes God may have in
store for you.

Right now, I am just trying to live in obedience to my current callings...
while being fully aware that God is preparing me to be stretched out of my
comfort zone! Very stretched.

My current purposes: 1. To be a better wife 2. To train up my little ones
in the way they should go 3. To give sacrificially, in some way, each day... in
the situation I am in today (very much at home with little ones). 3. To pray and
weep for His hurting children. 4. To work with Youth, and train them toward
surrender, and point them to Scripture.

While I was sooooo fired up as I read Kay's book, God gave me an UNUSUAL

I had my 6 month old baby boy (Christian) in one arm, and Kay's
compelling book in the other. As I read about leaving my comfort zone and
surrendering to God and dropping everything, Christian puked all over my brand new book!! God said to me, in that moment: "Whoaaaaa, girl. Your time is coming... sweet daughter. For now: wipe up the puke!!!"
So..... I guess God got very precise in telling me what my current
purpose is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So. Back to the waiting room of the cosmetic dermatology office; time to get my veins zapped:
I decided I had better get my behind into my appointment... and WITNESS to my Doctor!!!
Well ???

He was a Christian.

Want more Dangerous Surrender? Check out Angel's site, follow her link to other book-club-bloggers, and see my first post about Surrender.

4 friends had a thing or two to say...:

Angel said...

WOOOHOOO! Another great post! I feel you girl. I REALLY DO! God has been tearing down this kingdom brick by brick. It's a wonderful kind of discomfort. Thank you so much for your insights. It adds so much. Hugs! Angel

Tessa said...


First of all, it was so great to me you! I finally got a chance to read your post today and I can sense your excitement about what has in store for your life! I can also understand the timing aspect of it and how God prepares us for what is in store. I love to look back at my life and see how God was preparing me all along for different trials and also the joys in my life. I will continue to check in and see what is going on in your life - take care!

Billie said...

I can see it someday. You will have had every body part redone...why? All in the name of the Lord to witness to the plastics man.;)

No, it is great to read your candid thoughts. I still am so excited you joined the bloggin world!

Burkulater said...

Very, very good! Thank you for the link, dear!