Sunday, May 18, 2008

Just plain-old Surrendered

It seems as though I have not had the energy lately to blog my thoughts! I think my cute kids have eaten my braincells!! Nevertheless, I have been plugging in daily with my Lord and His Word. And that, thank goodness, keeps some of my remaining braincells...well..."in focus."

For my birthday, my hubby got me the wonderful devotional featuring stories of missionaries, and chapter intro's by Beth Moore, "Voices of the Faithful." It is wonderful; and just right for me since I am in full blown baby-stage. On the "Inside looking Out!!!" I may not be able to travel the world at the moment... and I may not be able to commit to adoption today... but I am so mindful of learning about 'The World.'

I LOVE how Beth reminds us of God's beloved world in the intro to "Voices of the Faithful:"

"The first thing I ever learned about God was that He 'so loved the
world, that He gave His only begotton Son' (John 3:16, NASB). Did you hear
that? God loves the world. Ah, maybe that means it's not so God-forsaken
after all. And the more He overtakes our hearts, the more we will love
the world."


She goes on to say:
"Whether we're called to pray, to give, to go on short-term mission
trips or two-year mission stints, or to surrender entirely to career missions,
we're all called to the nations. 'For God so loved the world.'

Your tenure on this earth will be incomplete without engaging with God
across the globe. Find out what on earth God is doing in your generation...and
join Him."


So, even though my days are chock full of calling preschools, baking chex mix, wiping noses and heinies and mouths, and the joys of toddler and baby play... I can still be engaged in God's work around the world! I can still pray! I can still support friends over the internet! I can read up on different ministries, and soak in God's Word! I can still empty my shopping cart on Amazon or Baby Gap, and give that money back to God's work!

Now the Guilt:

I have to say that after reading Dangerous Surrender, and reading blog posts that are about Huge callings.... can I admit it???: I have felt like I am not doing enough to change the world! I have even felt shame. But!!!! And hear my heart here: I don't think that this guilt/shame is of God. I think it is self-inflicted, and possibly even others-inflicted. God is not actually calling me to 'get up and go' at this time, at least in the ways I think that I should be going.

Now, here is where God has me:

Truth be told, I keep hearing God tell me to stay put. To surrender to the current task of dying-daily to self. Dying-daily to my husband. Dying-daily to my babies. This is where I am for a while...and not only that, I don't want to forsake being here!! I KNOW that God wants me out of my comfort zone, but I believe He wants my children IN this comfort zone for a while. Not teaching them that STUFF is where it is at, but just taking care of them and protecting them while they are babies, and pouring myself into THEM.

Maybe "the world" will have to wait for Darlene.

So, this is the deal:
I am having a hard time emotionally balancing the two concepts of "save the world in Jesus's name" and "give your children your time and love and 'training them up in The Way', thereby showing and teaching THEM about Jesus." Anyone else???????

Dangerously surrendered, and gloriously ruined. This is what Kay Warren calls out for in her book, Dangerous Surrender. It is a beautiful and heavy-hearted, Jesus driven place to be. I have been there before.
At the moment, I am not these things. I am not.

More accurate to where God has me now: Just plain-old surrendered.

2 friends had a thing or two to say...:

Tessa said...

Darlene,

Sounds to me like God has your right where He wants you - with your heart wide open! You are on a journey with Him and right now you are focusing on your children and that is SO okay! If these feelings of guilt persist, take a good hard look at where they are coming from. I have found that my unresolved feelings are often telling me something really important ... that is ... God is trying to speak! However, I am not saying that it happening with you. I think part of being Dangerously Surrendered is just ackowledging and knowing what is going on in the world, and not being trapped in our own wants and needs. I think you are there!

Billie said...

I think ( and you know my thoughts are profound;) that for each of us God is speaking differently (wow, real insight there Bil;)

FOr some people in the baby stage, the thought of being called into the world terrifies them...thus that is where God may call them. For those of us that are drawn to saving the world and are terrified that He may keep us wiping poop forever...that's probably just where we should be. Wherever we need to depend on Him more.

Great. I probably will have kids forever.